I think I can officially say that my child is not a good sleeper.
She used to be. At first. We were delighted and not a tad secretly smug when we had a new baby and still got plenty of sleep. Co-sleeping and on-demand breastfeeding made us feel like we'd cracked the code to avoiding the cliched zombie-like visage of new parenthood.
That said, we always knew deep down that somewhere, somehow, the other shoe would drop. We just always figured that it would be the next kid that would slap us in our calm, rested faces with long nights of screaming wakefulness. But no, this one is a changeling it seems. Or rather, more accurately, it's that she hasn't changed. She still sleeps like a newborn.
She still wakes up at least 2-3 times a night. Every night. And insists on nursing back to sleep each and every time she wakes. She'll be two (yes, years) next week.
And woe is the mother that lacks the patience to lie still being a human soother for 30-45-60 minutes waiting for her child to re-embrace slumber. A loving father, a creaking floor board, a poorly-stifled cough, a move away too quickly. These will be greeted with much rage, sobbing, yelling and, worst of all, enhanced wakefulness.
I always mocked people who so arbitrarily pinpoint the time when your child is capable of "asking for it" as when breastfeeding becomes unnecessary or even inappropriate. I bet they'd be really scandalized to hear about how my kid now shouts for "boob!!!!" in her sleep. Like a somnambulant dissatisfied restaurant customer yelling at a tardy waiter.
I want to slap people who blather on stupidly about cherishing the moments when children are little. I want to fast-forward to her surly teen years where she spends an entire day cocooned behind a closed door. I would gladly trade the constant demand for maternal attention of toddlers for the thinly-veiled parental loathing of adolescents.
In fact, as I lie awake (multiple times) each night, I console myself by looking forward to savouring the future times I'll have to forcibly decant an unconscious pubescent from her warm comfy bed into the cold unwelcoming winter air to face another cruelly-early day of high school.
Well that and being a grandparent, of course. Payback is going to be so sweet.