I've decided to establish and franchise a chain of schools modelled on a (trademarked/patented/copy written) mix of key educational philosophies plus some bonus ideas I like.


The "curriculum" will be influenced by a range of existing educational theories including: unschooling (irony, we has it), self-directed learning (a.k.a. "guided anarchy with lots of hugs" TM), integrative/naturalistic/exploratory learning (there will be rocks, dirt and water but no gnome-worship) and second language immersion (schools will be located near diverse gathering places such as the Tim Horton's by my house where a collection of local colour enjoys drinking coffee sitting in their cars in the parking lot yelling at each other over the sound of their stereos in caffeine-fueled Franglais at all times of the day).

Additional educational elements will be borrowed from the free-range/cage-free farming movement (breathe fresh air! play in the sun! eat bugs!), hormesis (yes, it's -20C, let's go play outside!), the hygiene hypothesis (dirt, not just for poor kids anymore!), interaction with animals (learn compassion and boost your immune system by picking up your dog's poop!) and parkour (why walk when you can throw yourself?).

Tuition will be free. To reduce overhead and administrative costs, instruction will take place after-hours in public venues such as the grossly underfunded Catholic elementary school by my house or the other park nearby that my husband refers to by the quaint name of "The Park for UnWed Mothers". All (limited) adult supervision and guidance will be provided by hideously under-qualified, un-remunerated individuals known as "parents".

If it's any indication of the massive success that this venture will have, my first enrollee seems pretty content: