I can never remember whether New Year's Resolutions are like birthday cake/candle wishes: are you supposed to tell people what they are or does that curse you to failure somehow?


I like to pick resolutions that I have a chance of actually keeping. People always seem to pick depressing, austere resolutions that are doomed to failure. Stuff like restrictive diets or going to the gym every day isn't fun for most people so why bother. I refuse to be guilt-tripped by my own lack of self-discipline and hopeless self-improvement agenda. There's plenty of guilt in my life already, why add more?

Previous resolutions of mine have included learning to drink bourbon (sadly a fail in that, while I can drink bourbon now, it turns out that I actually much prefer whiskey/whisky).

Anyway, a list of the resolutions I intend to keep this year:

• get more sleep: this one may require convincing a certain child to go to bed at a more appropriate "child-like" hour, say before 10pm
• eat more interesting meats: I feel like we're trapped in a chicken-pork-beef vortex. I'm allergic to fish so they're out but I want to try cooking with goat and get my hands on some wild game
• buy into a CSA (Community Supported Agriculture): for vegetables, eggs and maybe meat
• plan something fun to do every weekend: I tend to find myself spending weekends running around doing a bunch of meaningless errands, cleaning, etc. and then get depressed on Sunday realizing that I've wasted a perfectly good weekend. I need to make a list of things we can do as a family like go snowshoeing/skating, go to a museum, go for a drive someplace new, go to a hockey game, etc.
• invite people over for dinner regularly: I love cooking and having people over but never seem to be able to get organized to actually make plans in advance. I want to try to do this at least once a month.
• take more photos and learn more about photography/cameras

Anyone else have any resolutions they want to share?

Ever the cliche proud parent, may I present a photo my child took of her father.


Sure it's a little blurry. Sure she took it at a bar (Patty's Pub) where I'd handed her my iPhone in an attempt to keep her busy/quiet for another 5 minutes so we could visit with friends we rarely see. Sure she probably had no idea she was taking the picture.

Despite all these things, she's clearly a prodigy photography genius-in-the-making.

An excellent reminder of why I should stop complaining about the weather:


"Sure, it may be miserable outside, but at least I'm not a Russian infantryman at the Battle of Stalingrad, warming my hands in the guts of a dead comrade like he's a tauntaun." ~ Sweet Juniper

It took all of my atrophied hairdressing skills to wrangle her mullet into a ponytail. It lasted about 10 minutes.

Hopefully her daddy remembers more about hair styling from his days as a long-haired rockstar.

Ok, this is a shout-out to all of my readers with kids: any airplane travel tips for toddlers? Other than Gravol...


I'm generally a "(over) prepare for the worst and be pleasantly surprised when it doesn't happen" kinda person. My current approach has been:

• scheduling the flight (to BC) for the evening and hope that the kid will pass out (soothing lull of the engine...)
• bringing the kid-leash so she can run around pre-boarding and get the beans out
• waiting until the last minute to get on the plane
• buying a bunch of small quiet dollar store items that I think will amuse her and sticking them in one of those multi-pouch clear plastic travel make-up bags that she loves (new!small things! zippers! velcro! pouches!)
• buying a couple of Sesame Street DVDs, a cheap set of headphones and bringing the laptop (she's never watched more than a few minutes of Sesame Street on youtube and already knows who Cookie Monster is so I'm hoping the DVDs will be like crack cocaine for her)
• bringing an assortment of snacks in containers (snacks! in containers!)
• loading my old iPod shuffle with tunes she likes (buttons! music!)
• bringing cash so her parents can afford to buy enough hard alcohol to blunt their extreme self-consciousness, hatred of flying/crowds/enclosed spaces and paralysing fear of inconveniencing/disturbing other people.

And, of course, Gravol.

Spent a wonderful evening playing cook and paparazzo while the boys swapped stringed instruments and tried to remember the lyrics to "Grandpa Got Run Over By a Reindeer".


It's so much fun watching the kid clap and bop along to the music with her mad toddler dancing skillz. I can't wait until she's old enough to join in with them.

I generally leave work at 4pm. That means I get approximately 30 minutes of light at the end of my day.

Ah winter.

Recent text messages from the childcare Front Lines:


Husband: "WTF are we feeding that kid. So much concentrated evil."

Me: "Yikes"

Husband: "Yeah. I'm just sweating and shaking now. Shitshocked"


"Shitshocked" may well just be my new favourite word.

I was up in the air on the whole issue of whether Julian Assange was being held on trumped-up charges. It shouldn't need to be said that accusations of rape should always be handled seriously. Then I read Naomi Wolf's take on the situation:


"Never in twenty-three years of reporting on and supporting victims of sexual assault around the world have I ever heard of a case of a man sought by two nations, and held in solitary confinement without bail in advance of being questioned -- for any alleged rape, even the most brutal or easily proven." (emphasis is hers)

You can be fairly sure that the charges are total bullshit when a feminist who's a global expert on sexual violence thinks they are.

It is beyond disgusting that any government would use these accusations of so-called rape as grounds for holding Assange. Either he did or did not do something genuinely illegal when he facilitated the release of government documents. Arrest him for that by all means. Maybe he is dangerous. Worse than merely a bad date. However, governments who would condone or be complicit in this current farce clearly have no respect for those individuals who have actually been subjected to sexual violence.

"Can I just say how much I enjoy being everyone's refill monkey? I really do."


An email from my MD brother yet again confirming for me that abandoning my "dream" of medical school was in everyone's best interest. That kid needs a twitter feed.

"We learn in bear survival class, taught by a guy who could accurately be described as a cross between a coked up Mr. Rogers and Ted Kaczynski, that there are three options when encountering a bear in the wild: say “no, bear” gently before falling to the ground and placing your hands over the back of your neck (while the naughty beast attempts to eat you), scare it with a warning shot or, if that doesn’t work, blow its brains out. But Sarah has a fourth option: “You need a partner who’s slower than you to survive a bear attack,” she tells Kate."


Sarah Palin + Kate Gosselin + camping in Alaska = pure gold.

Since several people have sent me links to this story in the last couple of days, I feel compelled to write something about it.

For some insight into how people have responded to the story, the comment section from the NY Times "Motherlode" post captures a range of opinions about nursing generally, nursing in public, "discrete and/or appropriate" nursing, tandem nursing and toddler/child nursing, etc. Apparently it's a very controversial topic. And that's something I find tragic.

So, my opinion, because I know everyone awaits with bated breath:

I'm delighted that the woman in the article agreed to talk openly about this topic even while knowing people wouldn't hesitate label her and her child freaks. It's especially nice that she comes across as articulate, intelligent and obviously a loving mother. I admire this woman's willingness to be someone who initiates discussions on these topics. It's not an easy role to take on. And, despite the headline, I think the journalist did a good job of not making the story sound biased.

However, I am constantly saddened by the level of ignorance people (including myself) have about normal nursing practices. My hat is off to the formula companies for so successfully brainwashing our society as a whole that, in merely a few generations, we've lost even the most basic understanding of how we as mammals should feed our young. Even more saddening is how willing people are, in the absence of any real information or understanding of "normalcy", to have strong opinions and harsh judgements about what is appropriate with respect to nursing.

Some bon mots people have felt compelled to share with me: "Once they're walking and/or talking I think it's gross." "Once they can ask for it, it's just wrong." "Once they have teeth I think that's enough." "Once they have the manual dexterity to unbutton a shirt or undo a zipper, it's just creepy." "Women who keep nursing toddlers need to ask themselves whether they're doing it more for themselves or the kid." "Once they can drink cow's milk why would you keep nursing?" etc. All statements made with a total lack of concern for the fact that there is no evidence whatsoever to validate them.

Furthermore, and it seems utterly ridiculous/insane to have or need an opinion on this issue, I strongly support a baby's right to be able to nurse anywhere/anytime they need it. Adults rightfully get angry when told they can't eat or drink when they are hungry or thirsty. Are babies somehow lesser humans? Plus, everyone likes a quiet baby and the surest way to guarantee a quiet baby is the timely application of a boob. An obvious win-win.

I'll never be one who enjoys whipping "the girls" out (for nursing or otherwise) in public but a woman shouldn't feel she has to cover herself and her child in order to avoid offending anyone. If obese hairy men with bitchtits are allowed to go topless in public without fear of discrimination or criminal charges for gross indecency, then please don't try to tell me that a woman should have to hide to feed her kid. I also strongly believe that if we really want to change the way people think about what is normal with respect to being mammals and feeding our young, we need to see more public nursing. We need to normalize the behaviour and take away the conditioned response that there's something sexual, perverse or private about it.

With respect to the "appropriate" duration for nursing, despite growing up in a pro-nursing family, I'm still learning a ton about how children transition from milk to solids. Having a very "do-it-on-her-own-schedule" kid has provided me with a wonderful learning opportunity. She wasn't remotely interested in solids until almost a year old. She hates purees and is really only interested in a few fingerfoods. As she still only has 8 teeth, when you think about it, it's not particularly shocking she's not big on stuff she needs to chew yet.

I'm not sure why anyone would think it necessary or "proper" to wean a child who's not getting sufficient calories from other nutrient sources just because she's reached a predetermined age, height, developmental skill-set, etc. Plus, it should seem a tad obvious, but nursing is about more than just nutrition. It also fulfills a need that children have to feel loved and provided for. That need doesn't end just because the kid learns how to hold a cup.

To be honest though, I'm hoping that I don't have to worry about tandem breastfeeding. I'd really like a break between rounds. And, I like to think that a nursing relationship is just that: a relationship. With two people in it. It only works well if it's working for both people. Mothers shouldn't feel guilty if they want/need to end the relationship. I'd just hope they'd have the same respect for their kid that they would for an adult and let them down easy. After all, it's really not them, it's you and it would be nice to stay friends.

How the Pill changed the World, and the Fertility Problems It's Causing Women:

"But forget a male Pill: With the high cost of clinical trials, the lack of interest in upending cultural norms, and the need to make a pill with zero side effects (after all, this Pill is being taken by a man), this formulation hasn’t gone much beyond forays in the mid-sixties, when a male Pill, tested in Oregon prisons, turned men’s eyeballs red when combined with alcohol."


As a result of my parent's educations and interests, I grew up in a home that included regular frank dinner table conversations about issues such as sex, reproduction, sexually transmitted diseases, prenatal genetic testing, abortion, circumcision and breastfeeding. I went to a high school that had its own daycare. When I was 18, I was a prenatal partner and labour coach for a friend who got pregnant for the second time and couldn't emotionally handle another abortion. I started on birth control pills at age 18, before I'd even had sex. I have an undergraduate degree in human genetics. When I turned 25, my father (somewhat jokingly) started the fertility countdown, reminding me on my birthday exactly how many "optimally fertile" years I had left (10).

When I was 29, well-employed and married, I decided I should probably get started on getting knocked-up. I didn't feel ready to have kids (hell, I still don't: I still have a student loan for christsakes!) but my similar-cohort friends were starting and, counting backwards from 35, I knew that if I wanted to squeeze out a couple of kids with some space between them without having a significantly higher risk of having to make a horrible a life/death decision about a wanted baby with genetic defects, I should get started soon.

It took me 6 months to get pregnant and I was shocked.

Despite my upbringing, my education and all my knowledge, I was still operating under the high school sex-ed brainwashed belief that I would get pregnant merely by coming within a few feet of a single, semi-viable sperm. Because high school girls can and do. Everyday. A sad slap in the face to every woman in her late 20s or 30s trying to get pregnant.

Now I know I was lucky to get pregnant so easily.

Rather than the youthful discussions of nightmare-inducing concerns about birth control failures, my friends now can all quote passages from books about taking control of your fertility. They know the names of the available fertility treatments. They own ovulation kits. They've dealt with the heartbreak of miscarriages and try not to get too excited/hopeful about each missed period. They pray the rhythm method will work for them in the opposite way they used to. They keep trying and hoping but also prepare themselves for failure, costing out-of-pocket fertility treatments and researching adoption.

Now I know that I too must be prepared to not have it so easy the next time I try.

We can't blame the Pill or any other form of birth control for this situation. Humans have spent 1000s of years trying our hardest to convince ourselves we can escape the limitations of basic biology through the process of civilization. It's not a misogynist conspiracy. In matters of reproduction, men are simply lucky enough to have the better fit between the current social priorities and evolution. It's biology conflicting with economics.

However, I do think that the lack of a male birth control pill is a disgrace.

If drug companies can spend millions testing and marketing pills to give 90 year old men raging erections, then they fucking-well better be obligated to promote male responsibility for preventing the potential babies. And it shouldn't be too hard to convince them to do it. Drug companies excel at creating markets where none existed. If they can make restless legs, pet depression and age-related erectile dysfunction treatable medical conditions it shouldn't take much effort to figure out how to sell reproduction-controlling drugs to men.

Hell, I'll get started on the sales pitch for them: surely there's billions to be made by freeing men from the (potentially financial and at least mental/emotional) burden of having to trust that the skank they're banging is telling the truth when she says she's on the Pill. I can almost picture the bus ads now.

Some parenting advice that may actually be worth listening to:

"That every child learns to walk, talk, read and do algebra at his own pace and that it will have no bearing on how well he walks, talks, reads or does algebra."

"That being the smartest or most accomplished kid in class has never had any bearing on being the happiest. We are so caught up in trying to give our children "advantages" that we're giving them lives as multi-tasked and stressful as ours. One of the biggest advantages we can give our children is a simple, carefree childhood."

A Magical Childhood via Kottke

A recent glance at my google stats shows that the post in which I argue that humans should eat each other to promote individual health and restore the balance to the ecosystem is my most popular. Awesome.


Who knew so many people were interested in cannibalism? I think McDonald's is missing a whole fastfood niche-market. Giving a whole new meaning to a "McRib" eh?

So, since paleo/primal/caveman/rewild/etc. lifestyles is a topic I've been reading quite a bit about lately, I thought I'd post some interesting and/or entertaining links I've come across for anyone wanting more information on the topic. Yup, I'm becoming a "stats" whore. And, like any star, I must acquiesce to the demands of my public.

A warning for newbies: this topic is a huge can of controversial worms (mmm, worms, a nice paleo snack) and it's extremely easy to get very, very overwhelmed with all the science, evidence and opinions. So many, many, many STRONG opinions. Some of these people are like religious fanatic fundamentalists on speed and steroids. It can be a tad off-putting. Although, I think they'd really take particular offense to the argument that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar (ha, another paleo joke, get it?).

Conversion techniques aside, my main criticism of the fundies is that, even if you agree that the available science supports many/most/all of their beliefs, they don't/won't make any allowance for the fact that most people would like a balance in their lives between optimal health for longevity and the reality that we could get hit by a bus and killed tomorrow regardless of whether we ate the perfect diet and did the right exercises 24-7.

Absolutely, we should take care of our bodies, optimize our health and hope we can live to be 90 but not at the expense of "living" a life of defensive, ridged, self-righteous, self-deprivation. Unless of course that's your thing and then, by all means, carry on. I'll be eating a donut.

Also, if you buy-in to evolutionary-based approaches to health then you also must acknowledge that individual genetics alone also plays an enormous role in our health, athletic prowess and longevity. Goodness knows, my great-grandaunt didn't live 101 years as a fat, diabetes-and-cancer-free, lazy, cheap, miserable leech by avoiding carbs. Maybe if she'd avoided carbs she would have been less of a bitch but somehow I doubt it. It's more likely she'd have just lived even longer as a burden to the family.

Anyway, enjoy.

Robb Wolf, FAQs page: "Common forms of autoimmunity include Multiple Sclerosis, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Lupus, and Vitiligo to name only a tiny fraction of autoimmune diseases. Elements of autoimmunity are likely at play in conditions as seemingly unrelated as Schizophrenia, infertility, and various forms of cancer. Interestingly, all of these seemingly unrelated diseases share a common cause: damage to the intestinal lining which allows large, undigested food particles to make their way into the body."

Evolutionary Health Promotion: A Consideration of Common Counterarguments: "Contemporary longevity reflects modern economic structures in conjunction with public health measures. It is neither an endorsement of our current lifestyle choices nor a valid argument against evolutionary health promotion."

How to Keep Feces Out of Your Bloodstream: "The standard medical practice of removing the gall bladder is effectively killing the “canary in the coal mine.” Gall stones are a symptom of a problem, an alarm. Instead of treating the cause (remove grains) we cut out the gall bladder. People who have had gall bladder removal are almost certainly undiagnosed celiacs and likely have a number of other progressive diseases."

The New Age Caveman and the City: "Cavemen don’t eat nightshades,” Mr. Averbukh, 29, said. He explained that tomatoes are part of the nightshade family, arguing that they are native to the New World and could not have been part of humanity’s earliest diet. Mr. Averbukh is a pre-Promethean sort of caveman. Much of his nourishment comes from grass-fed ground beef, which he eats raw. In a bow to the times, he sometimes uses a fork."

PaNu - Get Started and PaNu on the Cheap: "Eggs are the perfect food and cheap protein- they contain amino acids in the exact ratio as found in your body (of course they do, they are meant to grow a bird fetus from scratch!) I eat 4-6 eggs a day at a cost of no more than a dollar a day."

The Whole30: "It’s not that effing hard. (Yes, I wanted to throw an f-bomb in there.) Don’t you dare tell me this is hard. Giving up heroin is hard. Drinking your coffee black is. Not. Hard. Substituting Sunday morning French toast in favor of a giant omelet and side of crispy bacon is not hard. Eating fresh, delicious fruits and vegetables every day is not hard. So I don’t want to hear one single complaint. You won’t get any coddling from me on this one, you won’t get any sympathy for your “struggles”, and you won’t get any second chances. Not in my house. It’s thirty days, and it’s for the most important cause on earth – the only physical body you will ever have in this lifetime. So shut up and do it."

In Defense of Paleo (the Paleo Prefix and Paleo Purism): So, if I would eat a cupcake (let’s say) made of almond butter…how does that imply that I’m saying cake (any and all cake) is ok? It doesn’t. I have a brain and I know the difference. I know the difference between almond and wheat just like I know the difference between candy and a cigarette, even if the candy looks like a cigarette. If you think it sends a bad message to kids…educate them on the difference. I’ll be the first person to tell you that just because honey is “paleo” more-so than cane sugar doesn’t mean you can just go crazy on it in a food abundant environment. I’M USING MY BRAIN. I know that honey is sugar–except it’s bee throw up flavored.

Breastfeeding and the Paleo Child: "The conventional parenting wisdom works the same way. We want kids who can stand on their own two feet; it seems like getting them off the breast and eating grown up food early would make them more self-reliant. Conventional wisdom fails, again. As it turns out, meeting the evolutionary need of children to breastfeed until their immune systems are mature, until their birth weight quadruples, and until they are psychologically mature makes children healthier, smarter, and more socially adjusted."

Another kind of oath I can get behind, the martinis for breakfast Christmas Cocktail Oath:


"As a martinis for breakfast reader, I do solemnly swear that I will not make or serve Christmas Cocktails that contain peppermint schnapps, pulverized candy canes or chocolate syrup. I will confine my use of such gimmicks to garnishes only. I will use cranberries sparingly.

And with the holiday season upon us, I promise to drink for fun, to memorize the number of the local cab company, and to try my very best to get home to relieve the babysitter at the pre agreed-to time. As a host, I will offer a comfy couch, air mattress or therma-rest to people who need to stay the night. I will tip the bartender generously.

I will find a buddy to party with who will keep my ass off the photocopier at holiday work parties. I will help out in the kitchen and do the dishes when I need to re-energize or escape bad family politics or bitchy in-laws. I will not text, Tweet or Facebook when under the influence.

I also promise to be a good friend and hold a friend’s hair back when he/she is puking, or tuck a friend’s boob back into her shirt when I stumble upon her passed out in the bathroom. I will help my friends to karaoke responsibly, and will suggest alternate songs when they think that ‘Harper Valley PTA’ is a really good idea (it’s just not)."

Amen.

In keeping with my love of swearing, the international edition:


"Afrikaans: "Jou mammie naai vir bakstene om jou sissie se hoerhuis te bou Vieslik!" Translation: your mother engages in prostitution in order to raise funds for the building materials necessary to construct a brothel from which your sister will operate."

Via boingboing.

Ok, I've said it once before but I really mean it now, if you're not reading this amazing blog, you're missing some of the best pictures, storytelling and vicarious-travelling-life-experiences the interwebs have to offer:


"So. Dame Judi is TO DIE FOR. She's absolutely striking: petite, busty, and a veritable pixie of a woman with her chic, choppy short hair, twinkly eyes and regal confidence. But more than that, she's enchanting. She radiates with warmth, wit, humor and sincerity. She was wearing a simple loose white Indian kurta and cropped white trousers with a fabulous printed cotton Anokhi scarf, no makeup, and a bunch of funny bracelets I imagine her grandson must have made. The Great Dame is the kind of person you'd end up telling all your secrets to if you had the chance. You guys, she was ABSOLUTE HEAVEN."

Seriously. She spent an evening drinking with Judi Dench. And Bill Nighy. Fuck me.

It's settled, I want to be Judi Dench when I grow up.

Does anyone else see the profile of a slightly Cro-Magnon-looking British cavalry officer or is it just me?


I was working on stenciling a growthchart for the kid (I know, I'm a bloody DIY-crafting machine these days) and glanced down to see that my foam-brush blotting technique had unintentionally resulted in this image.

It's somewhat tragic that I could never come this close to creating a recognizably-human profile intentionally.

DIY for the artistically-challenged.

Furthering my goals of keeping the Christmas spending under wraps (hahahaha, oh, make no mistake, I kill me with the clever puns), I spent part of the Saturday night stenciling lines from Rod Stewart songs on to flour sack dishtowels. A custom gift for my 32-going-on-72 year old friend who has had a "thing" for Rod Stewart since we were in elementary school.

Incidentally, remind me sometime to tell you about how she hooked-up with my father-in-law at my wedding.

Query: acceptable on a paleo diet?


This sign reminded me of an episode of this incredibly short-run tv comedy with Valerie Berninelli called "Cafe Americain". I may be the only one who ever saw it but it's on IMDb so at least I know it wasn't a figment of my imagination, although I always though Margaret Cho was in it for some reason. Anyway, one of the kooky side characters is this crazy Filipino woman named Madame Ybarra (apparently a thinly-veiled Imelda Marcos) who keeps coming up with money-making schemes including one to produce gourmet ice cream. One of the flavours she comes up with is called "Chunky Monkey" and yes, it contains real chunks o'monkey.

Now I know I'm all pro-cannibalism these days but even I draw the line at eating monkeys. All that fur would probably make me sneeze. Reindeer on the other hand: sorry Santa but I bet they're really tasty.

A pretty desktop lineup.


Looking at that collection you'd never know that I'm totally not a pastel person. Or maybe I'm just a pastel person in hardcore denial.

Gosh, it's as though they never saw "Canadian Bacon":


"In early 2008, American diplomats stationed in Ottawa turned on their television sets and were aghast: there was an “onslaught” of Canadian shows depicting “nefarious American officials carrying out equally nefarious deeds in Canada,” from planning to bomb Quebec to stealing Canadian water supplies."

~ NYTimes

Apparently what money really can't buy you is taste or style. Or a decent real estate photographer.


$3,495,000. Yes. Really.

Although, that last picture is quite amazing. Especially if the property price includes the bear (statue?) and the possible Sasquatch (?) in the background.

Stayed home yesterday to snuggle and look after a possibly-sick-but-maybe-just-teething, grumpy and sucky baby.


I think the weather has us all feeling a little out of sorts lately.