Maybe it's just the coffee talking (I love coffee but rarely drink it because it makes me sneeze) but I feel like I have all this good energy in me right now. I'm practically vibrating with it. Perhaps the fact that the weather has changed drastically in the last week is also having an impact on me. Is there such a thing as Fall-fever?
There's a list of projects I'm dying to start on and I keep adding to it in my head. I can almost visualize my ant-self running around trying to get everything done before snuggling up and hunkering down for winter. A couple of the things I want to do are on the creative side including doing some painting. I always hesitate to talk aloud to anyone about my artistic impulses because somehow I'm embarrassed by having them. Like it's my own dirty little secret. I know that's weird. I'm not sure where along the way transitioning from childhood to adulthood I became so consumed by self-consciousness that it often prevents me from expressing my creativity in ways other than rearranging the furniture (which, actually, is more likely an expression of my borderline-OCD but whatever) but it's pitiful. I get discouraged from even trying something artsy because I'm so concerned it won't be good or worthwhile.
There's also a part of me that considers time spent being creative as a waste. Not for other people, just for me. As though I should be using my scarce personal resources doing something more intrinsically useful or valuable. Like washing windows. For me, doing anything artistic seems like a luxury. I so envy people who allow themselves the time and space to be artistic and create. My husband is an incredible musician and I envy not only his talent but also his ability see the value in creative work. I especially admire him for pushing himself to get over his own issues with self-confidence so that he can get up on a stage and perform.
Anyway, all this to say that this weekend I'm going to force myself to take some time to be artistic. To take some photos, to spray-paint some canvas... and, maybe to rearrange some furniture. Because that, I can always justify.